ENSLAVED MEMORIES
The sky begin to dull
As the thick clouds
Overcast the shining sun.
Just then it started to drizzle
Next a downpour
Soon the wind begins to blow.
The ground gradually wet
The dead leaves started to fall
And my tears begin to flow.
When the rain ceased streaming down
And the sun breaks the darkness
I hope I can already let go
the memories
of me
and you..
The Man I Used To Hate
His words were the law and his hands were formidable weapon of discipline. A slight mistake will surely catch his attention that will cause him to get mad at me.. He would gaze at me and when things turned worse, he was ready to unleash his reproach, making sure that my childish ways should not be repeated.
I hated him for the days that he deprived me of all the things a child must enjoy. He never let me play with other children down the street. I was so lonely for the days that he imprisoned me in his small world where in his words are the law, law that drove me away from him. I used to complain but only in my mind when he’s not listening. I never have the guts to complain him directly because I’m afraid that my skin would get a taste of his brown leather belt. Anyway, my word is of no use to him though I’ll voice out what is within.
There were not just few times that I envied my friends and wished to have been born in someone else’s home or other parents. There were times that I would cry till I fall asleep but he would never show a sign that he had a change of heart.
I hated him for the days that he seemed to ignore me because I was not able to satisfy his expectations. I hated him for the days that he lost his interest in attending the meetings in school because I’m not on the top as he always wishes. I hated him when I learned about his another family. He keep on telling to my mother that I’m still young and I can’t still manage to understand those but how can I understand if he never dared to explain.
I can’t deny the fact that I am distant and cold toward him because there were those circumstances that gave me the hint that I was not his own and I hated him so much for that. I can’t forget the letter that I’ve read on his maleta that was couple of years ago.
“Ma, keep on eye to your second daughter I have a sense that she will grow up with a big head and can be a black sheep of the family if you will not going to watch her behavior.” He’s still working at
I don’t know if he was just trying to protect me from being hurt or he’s just afraid that I can make the same mistakes he did.
For seventeen years life is nothing but a hell for me… I dwell in a place where I lived my life according to his will and according to his law.. . But the door of heaven opened up to me (maybe to both of us). A nun gets me out of his fence. She brought me here in
New place, new environment, new faces and a new page of my life, new perspective had been turned upon. I met the real FATHER. The father who is patient, the father who is willing to listen and willing to talk, the father who never put mark on my feet but in my heart, the father who teach me how to forgive and to love my own father. I don’t know why changes take place… Is it because I’m already matured and begin to realized and understand everything? I guess it’s the distance that provoked him to have a change of heart. It’s through the distance that made him realized my worth. It’s through the distance that I learned to forgive. It’s the distance that made us closer.
A couple of years ago I received a text message from him saying “NALULUHA AKO ANAK KAPAG NAIISIP KO NA HINDI KO NAGAMPANAN ANG TUNGKULIN KO SA’YO. SANA DITO KA NAGYON NAG-AARAL. ISAMA MO NA LANG KAMI SA MGA DASAL MO, AYUSIN MO ANG BUHAY NATIN”
God damn it.... i cried and cried after reading his message. I can’t understand my feeling. I supposed to be happy because at long last the tall and huge tree had finally learned to bend…. But why were those tears keep on falling, why does my heart keep on bleeding…perhaps because of regrets…
August 27, 2007, he chooses another path. He left us for good. It took me years before I realized what he meant – that behind the spanks, his angry stares and occasional curses was a caring and loving heart.
Putting down my pride, I must admit I’ve been missing this man that I used to hate. Someday, somehow we’ll be together again, no longer in HELL but in heaven.
